Dark Marks In Art Class
by Masque31
Summary: One day, a class of Year 9 pupils get a surprise as a certain Dark Lord claims to be their supply teacher! What COULDN'T go wrong?
1. Dark Marks In Art Class

**Something me and my bessie Shobz came up with when we were bored in the line for Art.**

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**Dark Marks In Art Class**

The Art class was babbling away loudly. It was 15 minutes into the lesson and the teacher hadn't turned up yet. They'd closed the door and was sinking into the realm of general rowdiness. The air was thick with flying objects and you couldn't hear yourself think.

Suddenly, there was a bang by the door. The whole class's necks swiveled round. A bald snakelike man was standing in the doorway, raising a black stick.

"Silence....err..(he checked the sheet in his hand) Year 9!" he was answered with skeptical looks.

Ignoring these, he swept down the classroom to the desk and settled down comfortably and laced his fingers. He smiled mirthlessly at them.

One brave boy raised his hand "Who are you, sir?"

"I?" the bald guy exclaimed "I am Lord Voldemort, juvenile muggles, you shall bow before me."

This was too much for a Year 9 class on a Monday morning. They glanced around.

"Go on! Bow!" gestured Voldemort.

Everyone looked at what everyone else was doing and eventually performing a grudging bow.

"Well done!" Voldemort checked the sheet "Well it says here you're meant to be doing some Pop Art project thing."

There were nods and murmurs. Voldemort scrunched up the sheet and set fire to it with his wand.

The class were now pinching each other's arms. Was this Actually Happening?

"Now down to business. I need your help." Voldemort waved his wand and the mannequin in the corner was suddenly covered in black robes. Some of the slow boys rubbed their eyes.

"I want to you to design me a new set of Death Eater robes! Won't that be fun? And for an extension, you can all design a Dark Mark too. You see, I thought the black thing was stereotypical and bland. I need something that says 'Be Scared Of Me' not 'I Am A Depressed Person Who Cuts Themselves.' The person who does the best one won't get murdered in a slow painful way. They'll get a quickie!"

Another boy who had the build of a gorilla and the brains of a banana put his hand up.

"So we won't be painting stuff?"

Voldemort sighed "No, muggle child."

He waved his wand again and everyone now had a piece of paper and a fat wad of multi coloured pens and pencils.

"In silence or I'll hex you.'

Voldemort rubbed his temples and wondered off around the classroom.

'_Muggles really have the most weird contraptions_' he thought as he examined the electric pencil sharpener and shoved in a paint brush. It came back out with only one hair attached.

"What does this do?" he pointed at the SMART board.

A shrimp of a kid put his hand up.

"I can show you sir."

He tapped various buttons and a loud starting sound played.

"Aah!" screamed Voldemort and ran to the back of the classroom.

"Umm...it's loaded?" said the boy, tapping on it and starting up Google.

"Hmm...what is this _Google_?" asked the curious Dark Lord.

"It's a search engine."

"Can one control it?"

"I suppose so."

"What does it do?"

"You...umm...type stuff into it."

The boy tapped a black panel and letters appeared next to a flashing line.

_ART_

The screen changed and blue and black words appeared.

"Ooh, now what?"

The boy clicked on the first set of blue words.

_WIKIPEDIA_

"Hmm....Wikipedia?"

Voldemort drew out his wand and flicked it "Wikipedia!"

There was a flash of purple and about a million dictionaries appeared in front of the Dark Lord.

"Interesting." The wand twitched and the books vanished.

"Go back to Google."

The boy pressed a arrow and the blue, red, yellow and green letters flashed up again. He sat back down.

Voldemort raised his fingers like batons and typed

_VOLDEMORT_

The blue words appeared.

_Tom Riddle - Harry Potter Wikia_

"WHAT IS THIS?!" roared Voldemort and furiously clicked it.

He read the information.

"HOW DO MUGGLES KNOW ABOUT ME?!? EVEN THE WIZARDING COMMUNITY DON'T KNOW THIS MUCH!!"

He googled Harry Potter and clicked search.

_Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort_

"WHAT?!"

_Death Eaters_

_'_Search_'_

_The Death Eaters were all killed or imprisoned_

"What?! O, Almighty Google! I bow to thee, knowledgeable one!" Voldemort bowed to the computer.

The bell rang.

"Is the lesson over?"

"Yes sir."

Voldemort waved his wand and a piece of paper appeared in his hand.

"This won." he said without looking at it. The class sniggered. Later he would regret that.

"One more thing. Have you seen this boy?" Voldemort drew out a poster of Harry.

"Yeah, he's on the big board near the train station."

"Class dismissed. Finally! The whereabouts of Harry Potter!"

Voldemort Apparated with a crack.

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Five minutes later, a old man hobbled in.

"Hello Year 9, I will be your cover teacher today," He beamed at an empty classroom.

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**Like it? I could do a second chapter if you want? Reviews?? Please!! xx **


	2. Mouldywart On The Rampage

**Chapter 2 of Crazy Voldemort!!! Disclaimer: Not mine!!**

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**Mouldywart On The Rampage**

Voldemort Apparated out of thin air and looked around.. There was a big sign that said Piccadilly Circus and behind was what he'd been searching for.

'_Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. Out 12th July 2007_'

He rubbed his hands with glee. Harry Potter **and **the Order of the Phoenix. Two sheep and one stone.

"POTTER!" he yelled to the massive advert"COME AND FACE ME IF YOU DARE!"

Passersby stared at him as he shot down the advertisement with flames from his wand. "Pyromaniac!" they whispered as 'Harry Potter' burned down.

Voldemort laughed evily.

"I have finally killed Potter!" he danced in the street and apparated with a pop.

An old woman in need of her glasses tutted "Hippies these days."

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"Good evening My Lord," said Lucius Malfoy, being a swot again.

"It is indeed Lucius! I have finally killed Potter and his cronies," Voldemort sat down at his elaborate throne.

"My Lord that is excellent news!" cried Bellatrix, sliming more than usual.

"And that's not all!" cried Voldemort "I have your new uniforms!" he produced a piece of paper and proudly showed it.

"My....Lord?" winced Rodolphus.

"What's wrong with it?" said Voldemort looking at it for the first time.

It was a frilly pink tutu, covered in sparkles and netting and sequin and frills. It was short and had a low cut. Goyle nearly fainted.

Voldemort shrugged. "At least I'm not wearing it."

He waved his wand and a hundred sets of uniform appeared.

"Put them on," he commanded. Each Death Eater threw him a scathing look as they obediently pulled on the horrifying tutus.

"Don't you all look cute?" said Voldy applauding.

"And I have redesigned the Dark Mark."

Volemort pulled out another piece of paper which featured a skull with little kitten bouncing out. It too was bright pink.

"Black is overrated," explained the deranged Dark Lord.

He waved his wand again and all the Death Eaters collapsed as the new Dark Mark was seared into their flesh.

"Now, we have achieved our first two aims, Kill Harry Potter and Look Fashionable, we can get on with ruling the world."

"My Lord?"

"Yes, Crabbe?"

"Can I go to the toilet?"

Voldemort sighed.

"Yes."

"And me!"

"Me too!"

"I want to go first!"

"JUST FLIPPING GO ALREADY!" screamed Voldemort, his veins popping out. The room emptied faster than a puddle in the Sahara.

Ten minutes later, Voldemort checked the toilets. There was no one there. Voldemort screamed into the darkness. Nagini slithered around his neck.

"Look what I made for you!" he said, showing her a pink sock. Nagini slid away.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH PINK?!" he screamed after her.

Voldemort sat back on his throne in his empty throne room, and rubbed his temples.

"I need some low fat chocolate."

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**Abrupt end I know but how was the rest of it? Reviews? xx**


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